I have moved but I decided to keep this blog because I just love the little things that I have experience here. Anyway, you can find me and my other story updates here now. My apologies for the sudden chance, but I'll see you there!
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When I was 5, I was a loner. I'm not good at approaching someone or even start a decent conversation with anyone. Long story short, lets just say I was born socially awkward. I couldn't go out and play with the others like my other siblings. I wouldn't let myself. I was already scared of being mentally or physically judged when I was still a boy. Guess I was trained that way. Or maybe I let it get into my head.

I didn't want to stay alone forever. So as I turn 6, I started to create myself an imaginary friend. Thats what kept me sane for a few years. My imaginary friend and I played and do everything together. Go on. Say it. Say that I might sound crazy, but that actually kept me sane for the past few years of my life. I could tell that my parents weren't really on the same page as I am about having an imaginary friend when they started sending me to therapy to help me get out of this loner shell of mine. I just let myself build a wall around me to protect any danger to harm me thats all. My imaginary friend helped me.. I guess my parents didn't have the same perspective as I have.

I kept myself busy with therapy and time flies faster that way. I'm now a seventeen year old student at a stupid high school that my parents enrolled me. As I got older I started to realize how cruel this world can be. How life never showed me any mercy by constantly giving me so many obstacles I couldn't handle. School and grades; combines and make one pieces of puzzle from hell. How terrified I am to go back there again. How terrified I am to face those consequences of me getting beat up by those bullies like how I usually get back in middle school where everyone awaits for my arrival and insults will be thrown at me constantly. How terrified of what the future holds. A few more days later, school opens and I’ll be going back being the one and only geek boy in school.


Things that involving around the house also changed massively. Don’t get me started. My dad is an alcoholic. He just lost his job a few weeks ago for punching his own boss. He was drunk, no personal issues. Now he does nothing but just to sit on his couch and watch Family Guy or CSI being played on the TV all day. This puts everything on my mum. She works two jobs and she always makes everything perfect. Though as perfect as she is, unfortunately she is just a failure in being a mother. Now that my dad is busy going to clubs and sticking his nose with drinks, my mum is the only ‘sane’ parent that I have. But, she works day and night, and I only see her face only on weekends. This leaves me home alone every freaking night.


At school I once again face the tragedy that haunted me when I was 5. Its like I was brought back to the past; or just maybe the past just came back to me. I guess its true that what goes around, comes around. I was once again being ignored by every organization in school although I thought I already excel perfectly after all those therapy sessions I entered. I thought as I get older things would change. Fate wasn't really looking forward to making myself a little bit better though. Thus, it became worse.


I never knew how it feels to having a friend. No one would willingly to come up and talk to me. I was lonely and disturbed. At times like this I just wished I had my imaginary friend back. Thats when life started to make my life 10 times more complicated.

Unsteadily I walk back home with my hair being messed up after I was dunked into the trashbin at school by those bullies. That didn't bother me though. I have better things in mind that thinking about those things.

I recklessly land myself onto my bed when suddenly I heard someone yelped in pain. "OUCH! Watch your landing, Hyukjae!" an unfamiliar voice started to echo in my ears. Hurriedly, I pushed myself up and got off my bed like I was told to. My heart started to race. Why did I suddenly heard a girl's voice!? "WHO ARE YOU?! How did you get in my room!"

Out of nowhere, I saw a figure, a body of an angel rubbing her neck on my bed. My eyes widened. No matter how many times I rubbed my eyes, that same person is still there. I screamed and started to panic. "WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?"

She gently turned her head to me and started to smile. She's smiling. Why is she smiling!? "I guess you really did forgot about me," she spoke. Oh, she talks. I calmed myself down for a bit 'cause she seemed pretty harmless to me. But I'm still in confusion though. "What?" I said defensively. She started to float towards me and gotten her face closer. "Hyukjae, its me, Nicky. Your long gone imaginary friend, remember?"

What the? Remember? Imaginary friend? That doesn't even make sense! I thought imaginary friends were made to create for little kids and .. and they are not suppose to be talking! "No.. no way. Thats insane. I'm not crazy! How can you be like.. THIS if you're imaginary!?"

She sighed and rubbed my head like a puppy. I pushed her hand away and step back to keep our distance. This really doesn't make sense, at all. My life is already a prison as it is. Why make it worse! "I missed you. I missed the days we used to have back then. When it was just you and I. Me and you. Just us. I'm here to keep you accompanied again!" she showed me that smiled of hers that made my lost my balance. My legs got weaker and I fell onto the floor.

Suddenly, the door stormed open thus showing my dad breathing heavily with one of his bottle in his left hand. "BE QUIET! STOP TALKING TO YOURSELF AND STAY SILENT!" he slammed the door close and I could hear his footsteps fading away. Talking to myself? I was talking to.. aish. I looked at her and gave her a look which cause her to smile again. "Did I forgot to mention you're the only one that can see me?" Nick said happily. "Why?" "I'm your imaginary friend, you idiot. Of course you're the only one that can see me,"

She came flying to me again and wrapped her arms around mine. "Lets go play, Hyukjae! Lets go get ice-cream," I wriggle myself free from her grip. She looked at me with those innocent eyes of hers. I avoid making personal contacts with her. I started to walk away but before I do.. "I don't need you. I don't need your sympathy. I can survive this life of mine on my own. I don't need my stupid ol' imaginary friend. You can just go back to where you belong, Nick..." I left the room and ran to my basement.

The next day, I went back to my room to check up on her to see if she's still there. Thank God, she's gone. But, I was kinda disappointed at first. How can she easily gave up on me just like that. I shook my head back to reality and head off for school.

First period, Science. The teacher carefully gave out the steps and showed it to us. "Just pour this liquid inside the beaker and wait for about 2 minutes for it to respond," I did what I was told. I wrote ever single report and observe it thoroughly. I suddenly started to hear people's gasp or just an expression of astonishment. Suddenly, the person behind my back, Bibim threw her eraser at me for my attention. "Hey, Hyukjae, I think you should look at the board. I think its for you, apparently..."

I turned my head to the front and my heart stopped beating for a second.

"Hyukjaeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, meet me outside at the school field after class, okay? I'll be waiting!
-Nick"

Did she just wrote that in front of the entire class? God, she's so stupid! When the teacher turned back behind him, he took a deep breath and faced me, "Hyukjae, what is all of this?" "Sir, I don't know! I really don't! I was doing the experiment you told us to do the whole time, I swear!" The teacher would't listen though. "If this is some kind of a joke, its not funny.." "Sir I really didn't-" "enough, get back to work. I won't buy it.."

After class, I went to the field for an explanation. I saw her right across the field and so I summoned for her. "YAHH! NICKK!" I got her attention and she instantly came towards me. When she gets here, I vowed I'm gonna get rid of her for sure. "Hyukjae,"

"Yahh, what do you want from me.." I asked her. I think both of us are on the same page 'cause judging by the look on her face, she could understand me. "I just wanted to hang with you, thats all.."

Right from that moment. I can see her sincerity. I don't know how she does it but, I can really tell she's never gonna leave until I do what she told me to. Thats it, I raise the white flag. I gave up. "Okay, fine. But if you promise me you won't go making a fuss around anymore. Especially at school," I warned her. That was easy enough. She got the picture and was as happy as ever. "Yeaaahh! So are you gonna come and play with me now?" I shook my head. "Not now. Maybe after school.."

So from that day onward, I started living with my old imaginary friend that appeared again all of a sudden. At first she was such a pain in the neck. But as days passed, having her with me wasn't such a bad idea after all. I knew I needed some time to get use to her. And she kept her promise. She would patiently wait for me outside the school gates to greet me. Every day, we would go around Seoul and have the best time of our lives. It was pretty awkward at first 'cause people were staring at me and probably they are thinking, "why is that boy talking to himself," I wasn't bothered though. Let them be.

Nick was a great help, and she changed me. I was no longer lonely. She has such a cute personality and she helped me a lot. Because of her, I'm now no longer afraid of the real world. I started to gain friends 'cause I was used to talking to her now.

Until one day,

Nick and I was watching TV 'cause dad went out for a drink with his old jerk friends.  So that kinda gave us the chance to get out from being imprisoned in my room. We watched a few shows together. "Nick, can you change the channel. Nothing seemed good here," she took the remote beside her and was about to click on the next channel. Suddenly, something a part of her started to fade. I rubbed my eyes and looked again. She was okay again. I exhaled in relief and rubbed my head. "Whats wrong, Hyukjae?" she asked. I shook my head and giggled, "Nothing.." I stroke her hair and smiled at her. I don't know why, but I'm terrified. I'm so scared of losing her. Thank God what happened just now was just an illusion.

Days passed, Nick started to act a little different. The smile that she often gave me was no longer shown. Its like she was inverted into a depressed version of herself. Whenever I ask er whats wrong, she would helplessly gave me the same answer. "I'm fine..."

One night, the night I couldn't forget. The night that I lost half of my sorrow, a quarter of my soul. Nick and I were in my room and I went over to my desk. I withdraw something from the drawer and took out something. "Whats that?" she asked. I smiled at her and approached her. I wanted to see her smile again. And I hope this bracelet helps me. "I want you to have it.." I strapped it around her wrist and her harmless stares looked straight into my glare. Unfortunately, it didn't gave me the results I was expecting. Her face was filled with the thoughts of regrets. She looked at me and held my hand.

"Hyukjae, are you starting to fall in love with me?" she asked. My body felt like it was paralyzed. I laughed awkwardly and thought to myself. Could it be that I'm really am falling for her..

I was staying in silence for quite a while that she suddenly got up and face me. Repeatedly, she shook her head. "I'm sorry, Hyukjae. I can't stay anymore," thats when I felt the world stopped spinning. "What are you talking about?"

"Hyukjae, I realize my body is suddenly starting to fade. I lost half of my energy. I can't go on. And thats because you started to develop feelings for me.."

What she said started to make sense. I remembered when I saw her nearly fading away. What have I done!?
"So what? You're just gonna leave me like that?" I tried to stay calm but she didn't look at me. Then I saw her legs are gone. her hands are getting pale. I tried grabbing onto her but failed. I just walked passed her. Right through her body. "You.. you're-" "disappearing. I know," "no.. noo! It can't be!"

Tears started rolling down her cheeks and also mine. "Goodbye, Hyukjae. I had fun.." I wanted to hug her. I want her in my arms. I don't wanna lose her! "No, Nick! You can't leave me! Please, stay.. stay with me. You're happy right.. right?" She showed me the fear in her eyes to me and looked to the ground. "Its time for you to wake up, Hyukjae. You can't keep on living in a life being hooked up with your imaginary friend. You need to face the real world now, Hyukjae.." I stayed silent and clenched my fist. "Hyukjae.. I love you.."

As she finish her last few words, she disappeared from my sight completely. She was really gone.. And its all my fault. I shouldn't have had feelings for her.. Love is intensified by absence. I miss her already.. so much..

"Nick, I love you more.."